Avenue G and 196th East

Broken empty buildings still stand here despite the fragility of their existence. Homes, a bar, and a church are all that remain of some collection of lives lost to the wind of time. Just as the cold winds of the desert stream though my hair, making a tangled mess of my physical form, those howling winds of time make a calamity of anything that once truly lived. Most think the desert is an endless track of lifeless sand and perhaps it is for many, but I see immeasurable life in this place. The bushes and grass give testament to lifes’ ability for eternal existence. These plastered boxes of dwellings are what are really dead in this place. Their ghosts of occupants are all the life that remains; like memories of happy times lingering after love’s breath has been extinguished. How can a man be his own man when these mental images of beauty and joy hold tightly to his suffering soul? How can a man walk his own path when every natural sound gives impetus to reverie? The cut is new and the bleeding has yet to fully commence. Just as the shock of a wounded soldier holds back that red glistening life, so too has the numbness of this event taken my heart hostage. Knowing that the tear splattered pain has yet to drain the power from my veins gives me little comfort as I somberly attempt to gives words to this life’s moment. The setting sun, no glorious explosion of color this day, sets softly upon the horizon. Hazy yellow and reds blend with the blue grey of the dusky sky. Here too is a reflection of my mind; impotent sadness slowly sinking, leaving nothing but darkness in its absence. Life will go on as the Joshua trees will forever stand defiantly against the desert torrents. Nevertheless, my greatest fear is returning to my emotionless daily existence. Just as I was before love knocked upon my door disguised as a harmless coy smile. I have many options, many paths, all laid out before me. But I only wish to sit at this cross road and enter the oblivion; matching my desensitized heart. No hope, no dreams, no lingering longing; Just to exist or not exist as fate may plan for me.